


Never Enough

by photonconductor



Category: Stella Glow
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hand Jobs, M/M, Minor Violence, Pining, Porn with Feelings, character study of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-23 22:04:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19159882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/photonconductor/pseuds/photonconductor
Summary: Xeno wants what he can't have and it eats him alive.





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Sense Data herself came down and said unto me, "there's too much bad porn in here, do something about it" so I did. By writing more.

Xeno inhales.

The weight of the spear in his right hand grounds him. His brown eyes are focused, throwing all his attention on his said target; that being a wood stake sticking up from the training grounds. His body channels his energy into his fingers, gripping his spear just a bit tighter. He recoils his arm back, using all his strength boiling under his skin, and releases. The spear itself pierces the air, sailing as if there were no air resistance at all. A sharp _thwack_ and it lands squarely in the stake itself.

Xeno exhales.

The endless bouts of training against a sickly yellow sky aren't enough to satisfy him. Despite his precise aim, something within him aches. It's a hole he can't fill; an ever increasing empty one that knows his limits are far too small. So he trains and trains, mercilessly beating that inadequate feeling, one that gnaws at his heart, into submission; into something more palatable. Something he can smother.

It isn’t enough. It never would be, unless Xeno somehow overcome the shortcomings of being a human. God wouldn't spare him the time of day compared to those who had challenged Her might already. He wasn't a Witch nor a Conductor with grand powers only fairy tales of days gone could explain... only a simple king who wished he could do more than sit on a throne.

Yet, here he was continuing his futile efforts of being of use to his people and his friend. Xeno's eyes narrow at the ugly thought. It was pathetic. He knows it is.

The sound of clapping is enough to stark his attention away from those grim thoughts. His eyes turn to look and there, he sees him. The friend he so desperately needed to be stronger for. Elcrest's eyes are alight with something he can't quite place. Perhaps it was awe, though Xeno shoved that thought away quickly. Elcrest was a Conductor, one who held the power to free witches from the Mother's influence. What could Xeno do to impress him? Elcrest's smile is ever at his lips. His hands fall to his sides once he has Xeno's fixed attention.

"That was quite impressive, Xeno. Your aim is getting scarily accurate." Despite Xeno's thoughts, Elcrest is praising him like he's always done. The praise somehow always works, but maybe it isn’t so surprising. It fills the hole, only temporarily. Xeno takes the compliment in stride and manages a forced smile on his lips despite his previous self-loathing session beforehand.

"Thank you, Elc. I have been trying to perfect it as of late." It isn't a lie, he has. Any spare time he has during the Eclipse, he's training. Perfecting those skills and honing his power to push his muscles past that impossibly small limit is all he thinks about. Elcrest crosses the distance between them and closes in on him. The closer he gets, the more its evident Xeno can tell he's been training too.

His bangs stick to his forehead in an odd way, a very Elcrest way, with the amount of sweat that drips down his face. Xeno can't judge him too harshly. He only notices his own head was sticky with sweat once Elcrest comes closer. Unconsciously, Xeno wipes at his brow with the back of his hand.

"I think it's going well. I'd hate to be the receiving end of it." The mirth in Elcrest's smile only grows and Xeno's fondness for it stretches alongside it. It's like a bright star in the inky black of the night sky, shining for a weary Xeno to follow. It's that thought that tickles something in the back of his mind.

When did he start thinking more about him? His kingdom and the love he held for it never wavered, but somehow the Conductor had etched his way alongside it. Their longtime friendship blossomed inside Xeno into something he couldn't predict. Their sparring sessions, the close comforting words, Elcrest's kind heart, it all clicked together.

His smile made his heart flutter madly inside him. Just his touch or the simplest of words in his direction made sparks flare inside of Xeno's chest. It's an unusual feeling, one he hadn't thought he'd ever feel.

It's warm.

It's agonizing.

It's content.

It's sweltering.

While his envy at his lack of power compared to Elcrest's corrodes his heart, something else squarely pushes its way alongside it. It practically matches with its pain. It's a realization Xeno is uncomfortable with truthfully. Mostly because of how absurd it was... and how unrealistic it is to think anything would come out of it.

Elcrest was his best friend in all forms of the word. The king would gladly lay down his life for his friends, and he knew Elcrest felt the same. However, his reach was the world itself. At the same time, if Xeno really did love him the way these feelings told him... It just contorted an already knotted complex into something completely twisted beyond comprehension.

Xeno didn't deserve something like that, with how weak he truly was. It was selfish of him to expect Elcrest to feel the same. It was out of the question, in fact. Elcrest, the hero of this world, deserved so much more than Xeno could give. Their duties came first before anything else; his as King of Regnant and Elcrest's as the savior of this world. Elcrest's target is always on the horizon, never once looking back towards the shadow he cast over his friend. His eyes are always focused on the world he loves so dearly, more than anything else.

So Xeno suppresses it and squashes it under his boot heel like an insect. Except this feeling is more of a cockroach than anything. It gurgles to the surface and chokes him every so often, especially when Elcrest smiles at him like this.

"As long I have no reason to, I doubt that will happen any time soon." Xeno returns to the surface, away from his sea of thoughts, with a much more natural smile. It's so easy to relax around him, even easier to fall into the habit of familiarity.  It's something Xeno realizes he doesn't deserve entirely, but he's grateful regardless. Despite the lofty title of Conductor, Elcrest has barely changed. There's a power gap between them, but that's always been there. It's reversed now.

"I'll stay on your good side then," says Elcrest with a small nod. His yellow eyes are back on him, curiously roving over him. Xeno wonders if he just imagined it, but there's a shift in his warm expression for a second.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Elcrest asks and the question makes Xeno curious.

"Why would you be?" Xeno responds with a tilt of his head.

"You seem distracted, that's all." If Xeno wasn't so well trained at suppressing his feelings, he would have flinched. Elcrest could always read him, no matter how thick his mask was.

"Perhaps." Xeno plays it off with a vague answer, but doesn't entirely deny the claim. He doesn't exactly feel like talking about his inadequacies or his feelings for Elcrest right now. Elcrest seems to take the hint, so he doesn't press further. The Conductor, instead, kneads his hands together and Xeno stares at a drop of sweat at his brow.

Neither of them take a step forward in the awkward pause. They're both stressed. They're both concerned about the everlasting twilight of the Eclipse hanging over them. Xeno knows all too well there's no time to dwell on these things. People die with every pause, every moment of hesitation, they make. Idle pleasantries like this have turned stale often.

"Ah, how did your session with Doctor Veronica go?" Xeno decides to break the insufferable silence with small talk. It's a harmless question and it's casual enough. Considering Elcrest's power of the Conductor was unknown to all, the frequency of his sessions with the ancient Technolomy Veronica ever increase. However, that doesn't mean Elcrest is free from its toll.

It's often Xeno finds him alone, caked in sweat, clutching at his chest from the pain of exerting his qualia to its limits. Part of him worries he's pushing himself too hard, but he knows Elcrest is the stubborn type. They both are. All he can do is support him. Elcrest's eyes finally avert from him, and he chews at his lip ever so slightly.

"Actually," Elcrest's words are slow, cautious, "It's something I wanted to discuss with _you_ ..." The way he punctuates _'you'_ made Xeno's blood freeze. His body stiffens ever slightly and it makes his eyes bore into his friend. Just what exactly did he mean?

"What about?" Xeno's voice is calm and collected despite the anxiety that brews in his chest. If it's related to conducting power, Xeno isn't sure how to process it. What did he have to do with anything about it? He was just a human with no magical ability... was it finally Elcrest wanted to relieve him from his position on their team? Thoughts continued to brew in his brain, clouding his reason, but Elcrest continues his own hesitance.

"Will you hear me out...?" Elcrest says softly as worry paints his tone. Xeno can't help his body going rigid. He nods once firmly. Elcrest is back to kneading his hands again, despite his reassurance, that same lip now jutting out into a pout. Xeno stares a second longer than he means to. He won't push Elcrest, especially if it's bothering him this much.

"Dr. Veronica has told me my power isn't stable enough to combat the Mother. It's strong enough, for sure, but there are... things... holding me back and making harder to channel my power properly. Or so she's said," Elcrest's face contorts as he tries to grasp for words. Those keywords of _"holding me back"_ cut into Xeno's mind like a fresh wound. What those things could be were beyond Xeno's guess.

If the hole in his heart said anything, it had to be related to Xeno's incompetence. It was selfish of him to assume something like that, he realizes. Elcrest wouldn't tell him something like that. _But what if he would?_ a voice seems to sneak its way in his ear.

"Like what?" Xeno asks despite himself. Elcrest's cheeks turn pink at that, no doubt embarrassment crawling up the back of his covered neck. The meaning is lost on the king. Elcrest is a kind person, there's no way he could tell his king of his lack of power without feeling regret. He knows Elcrest; or at least, it's what he wants to believe.

"Erm..." He's fumbling again, fidgeting incessantly like a child telling their teacher they've done something wrong, "Perhaps I should've picked somewhere else to say something like this..."

"Come on, Elc, you can tell me anything," Xeno's throat is dry, but he pushes on. Part of him believes he can take it. He can take Elcrest's rejection. He chants it to himself as a mantra; as if it'll help the painful chasm that grows in his stomach.

"It's about... you and I..." Elcrest spits out reluctantly. Agonizingly slow like a sword pulling out of a fresh wound. A pang of dread shoots through Xeno. The King stands a little straighter and his fists, unconscious to him, clench. He can't help his voice choking out first. _He knew it_.

"Ah, is this about my assistance to you?" It takes all his resolve to make sure his voice doesn't crack. That has Elcrest's head shooting up. His eyes are wide, practically the size of the accursed full moon that doomed them all to this fate. Xeno's eyes narrow. He can see his frown in the reflection of those suddenly cold yellow eyes.

"I realize I am not like the rest of you. My power is limited compared to you and everyone, but I am working harder. I can _help_ you, Elc," Xeno says, as if he believes it himself enough to convince Elcrest that he is useful. That Elcrest _needs_ him. That the excuse is enough, because Xeno wants to be near Elcrest just a bit longer. He _can't_ let him fight God alone. He has to protect him.

Elcrest seems bewildered by his statement. His eyes dart to the ground with a mystified look, before he's balling his own fists together.

"Xeno, that is-" Before Elcrest can speak further, a voice cuts them both off.

"You guys! You've gotta hurry!" It's one they both recognize. Kaede sprints towards them, picking up her long sleeves so she doesn't trip over them. The anxiety from earlier is smothered by the concern for the little fire witch. Both reacted similarly, each turning to face her. The tension is gone and only replaced with a new kind, one that Xeno would take the briefest of respites in for now.

"Kaede, what is wrong?" Xeno is speaking before Elcrest can pull himself free from his own stupor. He quickly kneels down to her level until she finally arrives. Her cheeks are flushed and her chest rises with each labored breath. It takes her a few moments to recover her breathing, but the two of them are patient enough to wait for her.

"There's... there's an attack at the front gate! It's them..." Kaede pants. Xeno and Elcrest exchange glances almost immediately. 'Them' didn't even have to be defined for them to understand. Xeno reaches and gently rests a hand on her shoulder. He squeezes it and hopes it reassures the flustered girl.

"Thank you, Kaede." He stands up before he shoots a pointed glance at Elcrest. The Conductor freezes, his face still red from their prior conversation. His attention waivers for a second, unable to meet his gaze squarely, but the determination on his face doesn't. It's the Elcrest he's come to know in the days of the lingering sunset.

"Whatever it is you feel for me, it doesn't matter right now. We have to stop them from advancing further in," Xeno states plainly, and maybe a little too coldly. There's a bitterness welling up inside him. Even if Elcrest believes him to be useless... He will protect his kingdom. He will protect Elcrest. Despite his cold air, Elcrest nods in response.

"Right," is all he says.

"I-I'm coming too!" Kaede bursts in, though it’s not hard to tell she's not only unnerved by the situation, but their demeanor. She's always been keener than Xeno gives her credit for. She has more power in her fingertips than Xeno possesses in all his years, but that doesn't change she's still a child. He smiles softly at her and he pats her head. All she does is pout up at him at the gesture in response.

"Alright, but be careful. I shall take up the rear." Xeno is already moving, grabbing his spear from its place lodged in the wooden stake. It takes some force, but Xeno manages to rip it from its perch with a small shower of splintered wood. Elcrest reaches for his sword in its scabbard settled at his hip, but Xeno only spares him a single short glance.

They're moving before another person can utter another word or say something else they'll regret.

Kaede keeps at the center of their group as Elcrest leads the helm as usual. Despite their pace, it still takes them a while to hurry towards the gate. The sight that awaits them is an all too familiar one to each of them.

Distorted screams echo a familiar tune. The cluster of angels swarm the knights below like vultures after a dead carcass. An arrow shoots just in front of Xeno and makes its home inside the "eye" of one of the monsters. Xeno's eyes dart to its source. The familiar blonde twintails of Millicent blow back with the blast of wind she launches another arrow. Just as soon as she releases it, she's already nocking another arrow.

"Xeno! Elcrest!" She calls out, only before she's firing off another one, "Protect the gate!"

Their weapons are drawn in an instant. Kaede takes a deep breath, preparing a song as Xeno shields her. Elcrest, however, lurches forward away from either of them. He's heading towards a cluster of knights struggling with just one of them. Xeno can see him swinging his sword from his position. It's not hard to tell his swings are sloppy and unfocused. His teeth clench together and his jaw tightens. He has to focus himself.

The angels, sensing the reinforcements, begin to turn their attention on them. Kaede springs a song to life, creating a flurry of flames to the nearby angels in their path. While he can claim to try and focus, his mind aches. Does Elcrest really believe he's of no use? He has to prove himself here. And yet, the thought of Elcrest staring at him coldly edges its way into his mind. It wedges itself into his heart like a stake.

Elcrest is the strongest between them, he knows that. Despite having his back so many times, the king knows his limits. Elcrest really is humanity's savior, and maybe he believes he can't be supported someone who's weaker than him. When did Xeno fall behind? It wasn't so long ago they stood beside each other as equals. Once the witches were tuned, and the Eclipse began, everything fell apart. That fragile friendship seemed to sag in its midst.

An angel screeches near his ear and Xeno spins his spear into its neck. It lets out another knell in its death throes and he hurriedly jerks the spear out of its corpse. He pays it no further thought. His brown eyes thin against the horizon. Just what will it take for him to stand on equal ground? What would it take for him to prove his worth? That pit of self loathing consumes him again through every swing of his spear. He's a weak human in the end. A fool for thinking he was anything to anyone, but a title.

Xeno thrusts forward with a beastly strength.

 _It's not enough_.

His boot scuffs the dirt as he lurches forward again.

 _It's not enough_.

He gives a muffled grunt as he swings his spear upwards and cuts through its flesh cleanly.

It's _never_ enough.

Xeno stumbles.

He sprang forward, thinking he could hit one of the angels at this close distance, only to meet the dead air. His inertia carries him forward and his feet trip over themselves. A thick shadow casts over him, blocking out the diseased light of the sun. The angel made its way behind him in his moment of weakness. His teeth suck in a quick breath and he turns. It's too late. He can't take an oncoming attack like that from his misstep.

Xeno braces himself. He does his best to bring up his left arm to guard whatever kind of attack it was. In that split second, however, Elcrest appears. His sword flashes like a shooting star, but he's not fast enough. The angel's talons lash out and rake their way across his flesh. Elcrest lets out a strangled gasp and his sword knocks cleanly out his hand. He stumbles back, just barely missing Xeno to fall back on.

It all happens so fast, Xeno can't register it. His body, however, moves on pure instinct. He can't catch an injured Elcrest, but he can send this angel back to its maker. His spear arm lurches out and strikes it dead in its chest. It lets out another distorted scream before its body goes limp. Using all his strength, he thrusts his spear out again. The damnable thing is thrown clean off by the force of his push.

"Elc?!" His voice finds the words and his attention splits. His mind finally catches up and his attention turns to his friend. His body lays slack on the ground, contorted in pain as he clutches at his chest. While his coat is red, it only grows duller and darker with each second that passes. His hands try to cut off the blood flowing out from his wounds, but it's not something that's an easy fix.

Xeno's world swims.

"E-Elcrest!" He says again, this time hoping he'll get a response. The sounds of battle are dull to his ears. Blood is rushing its way inside instead drowning everything out. No, no, no. He can't let this happen. Not again. Something claws deep at his heart. His feet root themselves in place. He can't move; he can't breathe.

Please _, don't let this happen again_.

"Xeno!" Someone screeches his name. It's not Elcrest's voice. His head jerks up and snaps him free of his trance. Kaede is yelling. Millicent cleanly finishes off the rest of the creatures. It's not long before the two of them are rushing towards them. The closer they get, the easier it is to see the concern painting their features. Millicent's gaze is hard, guarded, but Kaede is near tears. She's tugging at a frozen Xeno's coat, but his mind continues to numb him.

"Xeno, we have to help him!" She's tugging insistently now. Xeno's teeth grit together tightly, threatening to crack his jaw. Millicent brushes past them both and kneels beside Elcrest. He's struggling, Xeno finally notices. The way his eyebrows screw in pain, the way his fingers sink into his sullied armor, it's all too surreal. That cockroach crawls in the backside of his brain and whispers familiar ugly words, _'You're too weak. Your dawdling will cost him his life'._

Millicent hands ghost over Elcrest's body with a dubious air. Her lips move quickly and she mutters a song before they light up. A warm green glow washes over Elcrest's body and his features soften. His fingers caked in blood flatten against his chestplate. He lets out a small strangled noise before his body goes limp. Kaede's grip tightens so hard she might rip the fabric.

"He's fine. He just passed out," Millicent's amber gaze shifts to Kaede before her attention is back on the unconscious man, "I've stabilized him for now, but my healing magic isn't as good as Fran's. If we don't get him to the castle soon, it could be fatal." Millicent says it so plainly with an edge of frustration tickling at her words. Xeno can share it; there's nothing he can do on his end. Their eyes meet. Kaede clings to him further and sinks her weight into Xeno.

It doesn't take him a second longer. He pushes forward, breaking away from the child at his side, and kneels at the wind witch's side. With all the haste he can muster, he loops one of Elcrest's limp arms around his neck. It takes some adjusting, a little less with Millicent's assistance, before the unconscious man is lying on Xeno's back.

He hoists up his legs carefully under his arms while he makes sure Elcrest's own arms don't get caught on his pauldrons. He can feel Elcrest's shaky breaths against his ear as his chin rests on top of the king's shoulder.  Millicent's hands raise briefly to make sure the Conductor is stable. Xeno lets out one last grunt and she steps back. He feels light, too light, and worry keeps pounding against his chest. He can't lose him now... Not with how they parted. Not when Elcrest had to protect him.

"Let's go," Xeno's voice sounds strained to his own ears. The group move on without another word.

 _He can't lose him again_.

 

* * *

 

Xeno is certain he's made a hole in the castle marble by now. The King's pacing is ceaseless. He can't even remember when he started nor what time it was now. The sun had sunk far beyond the horizon long ago. Now, the moon hung eerily in the sky like a hungry eye watching over them. As soon as Elcrest was dropped off at the infirmary under Francisca's care, he's been like this. Standing outside the infirmary door like a dog waiting impatiently for its master to come let him inside.

The worry gnaws at his very core. He made a mistake and it involved Elcrest enough to save him. Despite his requests to see him, to make sure he's alright, he's shooed away by Millicent and Francisca.

"Get some rest, please," Millicent's words were stern and unflinching, "I've already sent Kaede to lay down. I'll let you know as soon as I know Elc wakes."

But he couldn't wait. The only thing he had granted himself was taking off his armor for the evening. There was already one heavy burden hanging over his shoulders, he didn't need a physical one on top of it. His body feels a bit lighter, but his heart hung heavy.

So here he was, continuing the mindless pacing just outside of the infirmary door. Not the most eloquent thing for a king such as he to do, but he didn't particularly care at the moment. His mind races with endless worry. His mistake led Elcrest to be hurt. The memory of the pain contorting his friend's features shot its way directly into Xeno's mind. It lodges itself there as if to taunt him of the fact. He swallows thickly and the worries eat him from the inside out.

There was still too much more to say. Elcrest was going to say something before Kaede spoke. It's that minor flash of hurt across Elcrest's face in his memory that makes him wonder what he wanted to say. He curses himself for being weak again... especially that the only thing he can do for him now is sit and wait out here.

Eventually, the doorknob clicks. Xeno's head perks up immediately from staring at the floor. His movements freeze like he's been stopped by magic. Francisca walks through, though she meets Xeno's questioning gaze evenly. She's not even at all fazed he's here. Before Xeno can open his mouth to fill her with endless questions, she speaks.

"His injuries weren't that serious, despite how they looked. He's fine now, but I think something else is bothering him..." Francisca's blue eyes stare at him carefully, "Did you two have a fight?"

Xeno can't help but flinch ever so slightly. The relief that his friend was okay helps enough, but the fact she asks makes the worry return. He didn't really think of what to say to Elcrest after all... His frown and furrowed eyebrows must be obvious, since her face softens.

"I've treated him for today, but someone should still keep an eye on him. If it's okay, maybe you could do that...?" It's a gentle push in the right direction. Xeno scratches at his cheek half in thought. He has so many questions for Elcrest, but his insecurities are like heavy chains on his heart.

It's not as easy as tuning, but talking to Elcrest always does make him feel better. He can't let his friend know how the really feels but... he does owe it to him to hear the Conductor out. He was trying to tell him something before, even if it is a painful truth.

"Allow me to do that," Xeno finally says with the slightest bit of hesitance in his voice. Francisca returns it with a soft smile.

"Thank you, Xeno," says Francisca. She walks forward and squeezes his hand ever so slightly. It's one filled with reassurance, he can tell. She releases him and walks away, heading back to her own room. With the Water witch gone, Xeno's eyes turn towards the door. He steels himself a quick breath and steps forward. Cautiously, he opens it.

He's greeted to a dark room, painted with the soft blue light of the moon with the occasional shadow from the branches of Yggdrasil. There he sees him, sitting up on a decently sized cot with a furrowed brow. Once Xeno closes the door behind him does he look up. Elcrest's eyes widen a fraction, but the young king's mind is elsewhere. He crosses the room towards him and hovers just over him.

Xeno doesn't process it at first. The relief possesses him, washes over him like a thick wave, and all around consumes him. His mind hasn't thought first of the consequences, only of the relief that Elcrest is okay; that the safety of his friend is preserved. In truth, he doesn't even expect his lips to match with Elcrest's own. Somehow they fit together like a puzzle, perfectly molded against his own. Heat crawls all the way up his neck and over his face.

That was okay, because it _was_ Elcrest and Elcrest was  _alive_.

He was _alive_...

The suddenness of it causes Elcrest's body to go rigid, but it soon melts into their shared kiss. Xeno's eyes slip closed and he revels in the feeling. Elcrest's hands drape across his shoulders, and there's pulling at his neck to bring him closer. He can feel his heart pounding against his chest, threatening to break loose any second. The king relents and the kiss hardens, but Xeno doesn't care.

He wants this. Elcrest isn't pushing him away.

His own hands make sure to hold against Elcrest's waist to keep him in place. As soon as his hands are on him, however, the kiss heats up. He feel Elcrest's lips part and his tongue gently prods against his closed ones, silently hoping for access. Xeno's lips move unconsciously and open to let him slide in. Their tongues meet and begin twisting and exploring the sudden intense heat.

Xeno's body felt those sparks again. These are more intense than he's used to. The feeling burns and coils in his gut every movement of Elcrest's tongue against his. His mind fogs over and embraces the elated feeling, the closeness, that he is to next Elcrest.

Elcrest's hands abandon his neck, though Xeno is vaguely aware of them. He barely remembers to breathe and only realizes it once Elcrest pulls away. The only thing still keeping them connected is the small string of saliva between them. Xeno leans forward to chase after him, to continue his high just a bit longer, but Elcrest's hands distract him. One keeps itself firmly against his hip while the other only moves lower. Xeno's brain is slow to process where exactly his aim is.

Then all at once the Conductor palms his crotch softly. Elcrest's now hooded eyes watch him, gauging Xeno's reaction. There's a sudden flash in Xeno's brain and the pleasure of it takes over. He can't help the grunt that escapes him. The coiling in his stomach pulses and goes straight to his brain.

A haze of desire crosses over him and his hips jerk up in response to Elcrest's hand. Elcrest's face quirks into a faint smile and Xeno's heart flutters. One of Xeno's hands moves to cradle his cheek, hold that smile, and soak in it a bit longer.

"Xeno... I need you." Elcrest's voice is low and takes on a huskier note. The words ring in his ears and his face grows a thicker shade of red. They make his cock throb, much to his embarrassment, though Elcrest's hand continues to work against it and isn't helping matters.

He _needed_ him... needed _Xeno_. Whether it was true or not, in the moment it was all Xeno wants. He wants to help Elcrest, he wants to be near beside him, he loves him. The desire that coils around him wants every part of Elcrest. He wants to love him with every ounce he has. While there's time left, a voice from the depths of his mind reminds him.

The words he wants to say choke him. However, his body continues to react to Elcrest's advances and distracts him. His yellow eyes watch him carefully, not pressuring Xeno to respond.

"E-Elc..." Xeno manages to choke out. His digits dig into his waist with a bit more urgency. Elcrest takes that as an okay to move. His hand cups at where Xeno's growing erection is and coaxes it a bit more. He swallows thickly and quickly is making a tent in his pants. His focus, however, is on Elcrest's face. It's flushed heavily with hooded eyes staring directly into his own brown. That same haze of desire hangs over them, but it's one other thing that catches Xeno's heart in his throat; it's a loving expression.

It's quickly apparent that Elcrest is wearing too little while Xeno is wearing too much. Xeno wonders faintly how he could be so blind not to notice it before. That fact is only punctured just by how hot his body feels. His gloves mask any feeling of Elcrest's hot skin on his hands. Elcrest has been stripped down to only his boxers, despite the few bandages wrapped around his arm and torso.

Xeno was glad he had taken off his armor before checking in on Elcrest. That still left the matter of his gloves, tunic, and pants however. Elcrest's lips return to their spot on Xeno's and his hand retreats from rubbing his pants.

Despite the extra distraction, he feels Elcrest's fingers tug at the cravat around his neck. It only takes a bit of effort before it pulls loose. It's hard to move with the Conductor pressing up against him, but Xeno tries. His hands retreat from their spot on Elcrest's warm waist to his belt and fumbles with it awkwardly. His head moves down, breaking their kiss in the process, as he fidgets with the buckle. It's not long before Elcrest stops his endeavors to help his friend.

It takes some effort on both their parts, with brief spots of continued kisses and soft touches in between, before Xeno matches Elcrest's demeanor.

Part of him feels embarrassed at being so exposed, especially in front of his best friend, but the other half of him doesn't care. Once they're both satisfied, Xeno latches onto Elcrest's neck with more of those heated kisses. He can't see it, but he feels the way Elcrest's adam's apple bobs and how thick he swallows. He reaches up and presses a hard kiss into his jaw. It earns him Elcrest exhaling loudly.

"Xeno..." Elcrest sighs and the coiling feeling in his stomach twists again. His cock makes itself known and presses harder against the now tight fabric that still clings to him. His body feels hot, but so does Elcrest's. Xeno's hands trail down along Elcrest's body, feeling every curve of muscle under his heated skin.

The thought brings him back to countless training sessions, countless times he's seen him stretch and throw his blade against his spear. His brain tries to yell at him, to tell him how indecent he is for thinking such things or kissing Elcrest like this, but Elcrest's encouraging groans drown them out.

Xeno feels him squirm against him. His hips jut upwards ever so slightly that it brushes against his thigh. It's easy to tell he's impatient when he already gave Xeno some attention. Xeno continues kissing under his jaw and his hand moves lower. He feels the edge of his boxers before tentatively entering them. Elcrest sucks in a breath loudly between his teeth. Despite his hesitance, he finally grips Elcrest's own cock.

"Xeno...!" Elcrest moans suddenly as he squeezes him. The way he says his name makes his brain fizzle, but it feels so right to him. Elcrest's voice breathing hot against his ear makes him riled up further. His erection makes itself known again with it being stimulated further by Elcrest's voice. How much he wants to tell him he loves him, that he's loved him for so long, that he's so glad he's here in his arms. _For now_ , a voice mutters at the back of his mind.

"I..." Elcrest tries to speak, but Xeno gives him a gentle stroke that makes his entire body shudder, "I wanted... to tell you before..." As if Elcrest read his mind, he's trying to speak despite the soft moans that bubble between his words.

"Hm?" Xeno hums against his throat, still working him gently. Elcrest's flustered tone is one he's heard before, but in this situation, it's much different. It's quieter, like the Elcrest he knew before the Conductor's power shone within him. It's familiar. It's warm.

"Those things... before... Ah... My qu— _ah_ —lia," Elcrest is trying to speak, but he's too distracted; too worked up to form the proper words. Xeno pauses and pulls away, much to the displeasure of Elcrest by the withering groan he makes. Xeno's hand pulls out, but Elcrest grabs his wrist. His brown eyes widen in uncertainty, but he doesn't protest. Elcrest takes that chance to flip him. Xeno unceremoniously lets out a sharp yelp, and his back thuds against the infirmary cot.

He stares up at him quietly as Elcrest straddles him. He's taken the lead now, something that Xeno expected from him in the first place; he initiated it further and rushed Xeno's kiss. Elcrest's brows pinch in thought, staring deeply into his friend's eyes. He can see Elcrest's face clearly now. His flushed cheeks, the way his eyes are locked onto him, and the way his bangs fall in such an Elcrest way. Xeno's words catch in his throat again.

"The things I mentioned before, it wasn't that I thought lesser of you. It's the opposite of that," Elcrest's voice is soft, loving, "I love you, Xeno. I couldn't tell you because... I didn't know how you'd react. My qualia was unstable because of those feelings. Doctor Veronica told me if I kept bottling it up I wouldn't be able to defeat the Mother- that _we_ wouldn't be able to."

Elcrest's eyelids lower. His heart only seems to kick up again as the blood rushes to Xeno's ears.  Hearing him say those words is enough to have Xeno's heart ready to burst. So it was all a misunderstanding... A foolish error on Xeno's part as usual. Somehow he can't help but let out an airy laugh. It feels like none of it is real.

_But maybe it is._

A chill crawls up his heated spine. His mind grows hazy again and dulls the subconscious ache he feels staring at him.

"All this time... I thought I was the only one with feelings for you. What a fool I've been," Xeno manages his first words of the night.

"I don't blame you," There should be surprise on Elcrest's voice, but it's only one of calm, "Saying it so frankly is a bit embarrassing."

"You always were the one to jump headfirst into things," Xeno's voice grows quiet. A fond feeling washes over him as he stares up at him.

"Mm, but I believe you're just as reckless." Elcrest's head moves closer and their lips brush again. He can feel his breath hot against him. His dick throbs against the fabric and Xeno's legs squirm.

"You'll come with me to the moon, won't you?" Elcrest asks. Something stabs within Xeno's heart. It feels like a memory, like he's asked this before, but it's blotted out by the desire clouding his brain. He almost can't believe the words he's hearing, but they feel so real, so _genuine_ , it's hard not to want to believe. He has to tell him, _before it's too late_. He loves him so badly.

"Ah, Elc, I—" He chokes on the words again, like someone's holding his throat hostage. It doesn't particularly matter, because it's not long before Elcrest silences him with his lips. His tongue pushes its way back inside Xeno's mouth and smothers his words. A hand slithers its way back down along his stomach before it finally enters Xeno's own boxers. It's a bit awkward, considering their height difference, but Elcrest manages to grip his member in a similar fashion to Xeno before.

He pumps it once to test the waters. Xeno's body immediately reacts. His hips jerk up in time with his hand and Xeno's moans are swallowed by Elcrest's mouth. His body is malleable in his hand. Pleased with the outcome, Elcrest does it again. It's not long before it falls into a rhythm of stroking him steadily. Eventually, Elcrest frees his mouth to let him breathe and his moans become more obvious. Xeno's head twists back into the cot's sheets, whimpering with every movement of his hand. It's not particularly long until he feels himself leaking pre-cum.

That sweltering feeling comes over him again. Everything suddenly feels too tight, too constricting, but Elcrest's presence softens it. The fact it's Elcrest touching him like this makes it fine. Something in his brain is yelling at him for more, but more of _what_ he doesn't know. The feeling coiling in his gut wants to burst, but it's not stimulated enough.

"E-Elc... I want..." Xeno blubbers, but he's not sure _what_ he wants. He wants to be with him again. He wants to see Elcrest's warm smile again. The word again keeps puncturing him over and over. _What are you talking about?_ Xeno's brain lazily reminds him, _he's right here_.

His friend pauses. Elcrest shifts up and away from Xeno's head. His hands move back to his hips. He lets go of his overly hardened rod with a frustrated groan from Xeno. However, there's a smile that plays on Elcrest's face when Xeno looks at him through blurry eyes.

"I want you, too." He wastes no more time. Elcrest quickly pulls off Xeno's underwear and exposes him finally. The cold air hits his heated erection and Xeno hisses air between his teeth. He looks back towards Elcrest, who's already shifting to remove his own pair. Soon enough they're both naked, exposed to familiar scars and muscle they've each earned through their countless battles. Xeno half wonders about any new ones they'll earn from fighting the Mother, but it's quickly gone.

Elcrest's digits find their way into his own mouth, sucking a little too loudly. After he's satisfied, he pulls slick ridden fingers out with sharp pop. He returns his attention to a waiting Xeno and puts his other hand on one of his knees. Xeno willingly spreads himself for his friend, though he can't help but swallow a thick wad of saliva watching him. He feels Elcrest's fingers at his entrance, and he can tell how impatient and worked up they both are. He enters one slowly and Xeno whines again

It's probably not the smartest thing either of them can do to use saliva to loosen him, but Xeno can't find himself to care. Elcrest works him hastily, one hand working while the other gently gropes at his ass. The sensations flood Xeno's head, making the world feel heavy for a moment. Time flows awkward and listless. He doesn't know how long it's been until Elcrest is lining up at his hole.

Elcrest pushes inside him smoother than he expects. Xeno's head tilts back against the mattress again. It's a strange combination of fullness and heat he's not expecting. It's Elcrest, however, and that should be enough. It makes his body buzz and ache to think that it is Elcrest. It wants more of him. His mouth gapes open at the feeling, but it's soon to pass as his body settles around him. He can feel his insides squeeze against his rod. Elcrest's really inside him.

"Xeno... It's good..." Elcrest pants, but something about it sounds not quite right. As much as he wants to think about it, his body is already trying to get Elcrest to move. His hips twist a little and Xeno grunts at the friction. Elcrest takes the hint. He slowly pulls out before thrusting back in again. It feeds that burning in his core, but it's not enough. It takes a moment for Elcrest to find a steady, hard rhythm, but it's not long before he's panting and moaning out Xeno's name.

Despite the sparks flickering in his gut and pulsing into his cock, Xeno wants more. For all the strength Elcrest possesses, it's not enough. Xeno can only get out frustrated groans, feeling like he's just teetering on the edge of the pleasure his body wants. Elcrest is doing his best, but why can't he react the way he wants to? He wants to lose himself in the feeling of the Conductor. He wants his body to burn in every way just to have him close.

Through lidded eyes Xeno can see his sweat-ridden and flush face. It makes his bangs stick in that same way he saw earlier. His face is lost in the throes of pleasure, but at the same time it's that determined face he knows. It sears through him like a burn. It's real, isn't it? He desperately wants it to be real.

It's not enough, his body reminds him. Was he really that weak that he can't even satisfy himself, despite Elcrest giving him this?

"I'm close...!" Elcrest's thrusts are more frantic now and lose that stable rhythm. His grip on his hips to keep him steady dig into him further. Xeno continues his pitiful parade of moans, despite Elcrest's efforts. The building in his body never stops, but doesn't hit its peak like Elcrest is quickly coming to. In some desperate attempt, he grabs his cock to jerk it hastily. Elcrest lets loose a final thrust, but Xeno doesn't make it.

Elcrest buries himself fully inside him, cock spasming against his walls as he empties himself. He can feel thick ropes of cum fill him.  Xeno's hurried jerks slow themselves once he realizes dully it's futile. The burning is still there, despite how much he's filled with his friend's juices or how hard he pleasures himself. Elcrest heaves greedy breaths above him.

"Xeno..." Elcrest's voice is soft again once he regains his composure. A same softness right before he and the others left for the moon. Xeno swallows thickly and his body aches again with the desire to speak. The Conductor's face contorts. That look is one Xeno's seen before. Right before he was consumed by those black flames.

"I lo—"

Blue eyes blink open sharply.

The sleepy haze drifting over him isn't enough to stop the ache in his chest. His body feels exceptionally hot and insufferable. Not to mention, there's a wetness and familiar throbbing between his legs. Every inch of skin seems to burn with an ugliness he's familiar with. It doesn't hurt anymore, like a dull knife parading over his skin. Once his senses settle themselves, he's dully aware his placement. The same familiar drab room of the Grand Master in the knight's barracks of his own castle.

It seems his fifteen minutes were up.

"Ah... A dream..." Klaus' laugh is hollow. It's full of hurt, unbeknownst to him. It's a painful reminder of what he's lost. Of course no dream can fill that want in his heart. It's foolish to think otherwise. A warm hand crawls its way over his face in a futile attempt to mask it. She can't let him be blissfully unaware in his sleep. That would ruin their plans. A thousand years out the window wasn't something she nor Klaus would let happen.

He was weak, he knew that. Things were different now. Where Elcrest failed, Klaus would stand in his place. He may have been forgotten as a long lost king, but a new curtain would rise on their once shared stage. Once the Eclipse returned, he would bask in that sunset he had once called diseased. He would be baptized in it by the Mother's loving touch, and finally, _finally_ , he would be satisfied. It would be enough.

That was why he was here now, despite those pitiful dreams.

Considering he's awake now, his mind lets itself wander while ignoring the tent pressing against his legs. This dream was different than most that kept him awake for hours on end. Never had he been reminded of the warmth of Elcrest's smile. His mind races with some explanation, a possibility that something had changed.

Then he remembers. Elcrest—calling himself Alto now—staring at him with the same smile with its foreign air. The wish for them to be closer, comrades in arms beyond a silent respect of a subordinate to his commander, flits through his mind.

His eyes shift between his fingers towards the side of his room. The emptiness of it all only seems colder compared to the contrast of the dream's warmth. Nothing is familiar in the ways it should be. The only thing would be his manuscripts heaved upon a desk in a huddled corner of the room. Despite being a Grand Master for three years, he hasn't attained much in terms of material goods. _It's better this way,_ he reminds himself, _Elcrest would probably scold me if he saw it._

Yet, above it all, his mind somehow retreats always back to Elcrest. His hatred is fueled by his inadequacy to him. His desires are fueled by Elcrest's existence. His will to surpass him, after being drowned and used by the Mother, urge him forward.

No matter how many times the black flames lick at his body, he won't forget. Elcrest may be his source of hatred, but he's also another thing; his hope. The faintest flickers of it reach down into his rotted core and caress it. The Mother's influence drowned it out for a thousand years, but Klaus had broken from the proverbial surface of that corruption albeit briefly. He lets himself revel in the bliss of it until the Mother soon will throw him back in for another fitful sleep of agony.

Klaus tells himself he has to be more careful. Alto is tugging at his seams and pulling him apart like the doll he is. Who would have expected the boy who was posing as his long lost friend would be his undoing. He can't let that happen. The rebirth of Xeno is close at hand.

Even so, he tells himself in this moment of clarity that he won't forget Elcrest. He won't forget those feelings that once constricted him. His eyes close softly. He can see his face, warm and loving. Klaus whispers the words he desperately wanted to say;

"I love you."


End file.
